Attachment Style in Relationship. What is your style?
Article from the Guardian “The attachment secret: are you a secure, avoidant or anxious partner?”
Do you sometimes find yourself feeling Anxious or Avoidant in company or in Relationships? There are many many ways to consider this. One possible way is using the idea of “Attachment Theory”.
Your Attachment “style” influences how you are, conciously, or perhaps also unconciously or just in the edge of awareness.
There are 3 major “styles” of Attachment: Anxious, Avoidant, Secure.
Your attachment style evolves as a result of several things like, how you were related to throughout your life starting with pre-verbal times. It is influenced by your experiences, ie ‘nurture’ but also perhaps by “nature” ie how you were born.
How we relate to someone and feel in someones company can change from one person to the next ie it is person and situationally specific.
“Earnt Secure” is another Attachment Style. This means that you “Earn” this way of being/Attaching. For example, it can be possible to change your Attachment style (eg from “Anxious” to “Secure”) by working for/earning this transformation . This can be achieved by any sort of inner or soul or reflective transformational work, whether it be counselling, retreats, reading, journalling etc.
However I’d argue that to change an Attachment Style that was formed “through relationship” (ie as a result of early relational experiences, ie experiences with another) , it is also more likely that your attachment style can be changed more quickly if the work you do to change it, involves relationships or ‘Relational Work’.
Getting to know your Counsellor and working in depth with them is an example of the sort of “Relational Work” that has the potential to change your Attachment Style.