Relationship counselling for couples who feel stuck, disconnected or caught in the same patterns
When a relationship becomes difficult, it can be hard to know how to move forward together. You may find yourselves having the same arguments repeatedly, struggling to communicate, feeling emotionally distant, or unsure about what has happened to the connection between you.
Couples counselling can provide a space to slow things down, understand what is happening between you and begin to find different ways of relating to one another.
I offer Couples Counselling in Headington, Oxford, as well as online sessions. I work with couples experiencing relationship difficulties including communication problems, recurring conflict, emotional disconnection, loss of trust and uncertainty about the future of their relationship.
My approach is based on Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT). Rather than seeing one partner as the problem, we look at the patterns that develop between you and explore what may be underneath the conflict.
How can couples counselling help?
Couples often come to counselling when they feel stuck in patterns that they have been unable to change on their own.
You might be:
- Having the same arguments over and over again
- Finding it difficult to communicate without things escalating
- Feeling emotionally distant from one another
- Feeling that your partner no longer understands you
- Experiencing a pattern where one person pursues and the other withdraws
- Struggling to rebuild trust
- Trying to recover from an affair or other breach of trust
- Experiencing difficulties with intimacy or closeness
- Facing a major change or transition in your lives
- Unsure whether you want to stay together
- Considering separation but wanting to understand your relationship first
- Wanting to strengthen your relationship before difficulties become more serious
You don’t have to be at breaking point to seek couples counselling. Some couples come because they want to understand each other better and develop a stronger, more secure relationship.
What is Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy?
I work primarily with Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT), an approach that focuses on the emotional bond between partners and the patterns that can develop when that bond feels threatened.
When couples are distressed, it is common for each person to respond to the other in ways that unintentionally make the situation worse. One partner may pursue conversation or reassurance while the other withdraws. The more one person pursues, the more the other retreats, which can leave both people feeling unheard, rejected or alone.
In couples counselling, we can explore this cycle together. The aim isn’t to decide who is right or wrong. Instead, we look at what is happening between you, what each of you is experiencing emotionally, and how you might respond to one another differently.
Over time, this can help couples develop greater understanding, emotional security and connection.
What happens in Couples Counselling?
The first session provides an opportunity to talk about what has brought you to counselling and what you would each like to change.
I will be interested in hearing both perspectives and understanding how difficulties have developed over time. We can begin to identify the patterns that occur between you and consider what happens when conflict or disconnection arises.
The second and third sessions are solo sessions where I get a chance to check in with you each in a one to one setting. Fourth session onwards is/are joint
As counselling progresses, we can work together to understand these patterns more deeply and explore new ways of communicating and responding to one another.
How many couples counselling sessions will we need?
There isn’t a fixed number of sessions that every couple needs.
Some couples come for a relatively short period to work through a particular difficulty, while others choose to work together for longer when there are longstanding patterns or more complex relationship difficulties.
I generally recommend beginning with 6 sessions so that there is enough time to understand what is happening and for us to assess whether couples counselling is helping.
We can review how things are progressing as the work develops.
Is couples counselling right for us?
You don’t need to have decided that you want to stay together before coming to counselling.
Some couples arrive feeling committed to their relationship but unable to stop damaging patterns of conflict. Others are questioning the future of the relationship and want a safe space in which to understand what is happening before making important decisions.
Couples counselling can also be useful when a relationship is generally good but you have reached a point where you are struggling with a particular issue.
The important thing is that there is some willingness to explore what is happening between you.
What if we keep having the same argument?
Recurring arguments are often less about the particular subject being argued about and more about an underlying emotional patterns between partners.
For example, an argument that appears to be about money, household responsibilities or time together may repeatedly leave one partner feeling unimportant and the other feeling criticised or controlled.
When this happens, simply trying to communicate more clearly may not be enough. The issue might be a deeper at play, for example about trust, power, control, boundaries, responsibility, support, being seen or being heard
Couples counselling can help you recognise the cycle you are caught in and understand what is happening underneath it.
What if one of us is unsure about counselling?
It is understandable that partners may feel differently about counselling.
One person may be keen to seek help while the other feels uncertain, worried about being blamed, or unsure whether counselling will make a difference.
Couples counselling is not about forcing either partner to accept a particular view of the relationship. The sessions provide an opportunity for both people to explain their experience and to understand the patterns that have developed between them.
Couples counselling in Headington, Oxford
I offer face-to-face couples counselling from my consulting room in Headington, Oxford, as well as online counselling.
The practice is approximately five minutes’ walk across Bury Knowle Park from Headington.
The consulting address is:
53 Chestnut Avenue
Headington
Oxford
OX3 9JJ
If you would like to know whether the location or online option would be suitable for you, please get in touch.
Couples counselling fees
Couples counselling sessions are £100+, depending on the length of the session.
If you’re unsure which session length would be appropriate, please contact me and we can discuss this.
Couples counselling FAQs
Where do you offer couples counselling in Oxford?
I offer face-to-face couples counselling in Headington, Oxford, at 53 Chestnut Avenue, OX3 9JJ. Online sessions are also available.
How long is a couples counselling session?
The length of a session can vary depending on the needs of the couple. Please contact me to discuss the most appropriate option.
How much does couples counselling cost?
Couples sessions are £100+ depending on session length.
Do you offer online couples counselling?
Yes. Couples counselling is available online as well as face-to-face in Headington, Oxford.
Do we need to be married to have couples counselling?
No. Couples counselling can be helpful for partners at different stages of a relationship, whether married, engaged, cohabiting or dating.
Can couples counselling help if we’re thinking about separating?
It can provide a space to explore what is happening in the relationship and what each person wants for the future. You do not need to have made a decision about staying together before beginning counselling.
Can couples counselling help with communication problems?
Yes. Communication difficulties are a common reason couples seek counselling. We can look not only at how you communicate but also at the underlying emotional patterns that can make communication difficult.
What about if one of us has Trauma?
Struggling to stay regulated and calm can have significant impact on ourselves and others. I am able to take care of this and help guide you safely back to a calm state (Trauma training Sensorimotor Psychotherapy covers this. I am trained to Level 2)
How do we get started?
If you are considering couples counselling, please get in touch to discuss what is happening and whether I might be able to help. We can then arrange an initial appointment if it feels appropriate.
Get in touch about couples counselling
If your relationship has become difficult, you don’t necessarily have to work through it alone.
Whether you’re experiencing repeated conflict, feeling disconnected from your partner, trying to rebuild trust or simply wanting to understand your relationship better, couples counselling can provide a space to explore what is happening and consider what might change.
Contact me to arrange an initial conversation about couples counselling in Oxford.